3 Years of Cooper- An Interview with Myself

Cooper's turning three in November made me want to stop and soak in where he's at and how far I've come as his mother. I asked ChatGPT to give me a list of questions to reflect on Cooper's 3 years. Here it was it asked me.

1. When I first learned about Cooper's diagnosis, what did I feel—and how has that changed?

If you read my initial series called "Meeting Cooper," you know what my feelings were when I first learned of his diagnosis. In short, it shook me to my core. And I spent months in that shook state.

Now, three years in, I feel much better about my child’s diagnosis! Instead of sorrow about the future, I feel excited about what's to come. Instead of wondering, "Why me?," I think, "How lucky am I?" I feel grateful for the chance to be Cooper's mom.

2. What has loving Cooper taught me that I didn’t know before?

Loving Cooper has taught me to love myself. I was trying to learn it before, but struggled to get past my "imperfections." Loving Cooper as he is, disabilities and all, when the world around us says he needs to be at a certain level or fit in a certain way, has let me see past my limitations and accept the things about me that seemed so unworthy before.

3. What is something about Cooper at age three that brings me pure joy?

Right now, Cooper is really into this mimicking cactus toy that his brother got for his birthday. He yells at it all day to get it to respond in a high-pitched echo.

I also love how he notices when someone is sad and gives them a hug. Last night, his big sister was building lego towers for her brothers to knock over. She built her tallest one and picked up to walk it near the baby for him to push down. On the way, her tower fell and she cried out, "Oh no!" and proceeded to fake cry. I watched Cooper run to where she was kneeling on the ground and kneel next to her, putting an arm around her back as she picked up the lego pieces, his little hand patting her back.

4. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far?

The hardest part has been realizing there are people out there who don't see Cooper's life as valuable because he doesn't look or behave a certain way. I'm not sure that hard will ever go away.

I have also grappled with my faith as I wonder what Cooper's life will look like through the lens of eternal life and spiritual growth in the place most people call "Heaven."

5. What am I most proud of Cooper for?

This is hard to answer because in my mind it implies that he has had to accomplish something, and he has accomplished things, but I'm learning that a person's value is not dependent on what they can accomplish. I am proud of the way he doesn't quit. I'm proud of his fun spirit and his joy for life. I'm proud that he is different and challenges the way I see the world.

6. How has Cooper changed me as a parent and as a person?

As a parent, I'm learning to be more patient with my kids (and myself). I'm learning to not care what other people think of my children. I'm learning to watch for the things my kids do that are thoughtful and kind, instead of things that would earn an award or trophy. It's not about being the best, but about trying your best.

7. What do I want Cooper to always know about how deeply he is loved?

If one day Cooper reads what I write, I hope he knows how far out of my comfort zone sharing even is. I hope he sees that, because of him, I am more brave, more open, more free to be the person I feel I need to be. He has given me so much perspective in such a short amount of time. My other kids teach me plenty, too. But his extra chromosome gives me reason to pause and adjust life in ways that my typical children do not. His life is motivation and purpose beyond anything I've ever known. I am so grateful for him being my son!